I hope I find you all well on this Tuesday morning, I know I’ve been fairly quiet on the blogging front but I’ve needed time to re-evaluate and time to breathe a little. It’s been a few months since my last post and this is something that I’ve written fairly quick. The idea of progress has been playing on my mind for a while now so I thought I’d throw up a little piece and get it out of my system.
Progress in its noun or verb form is roundabout defined as: forward or onward moment towards a destination or through space and time.
Over the last few months I have been working on a particular goal. But sadly I’ve been caught up in the idea that to achieve this happiness and contentment I need to move forward. It’s only recently I’ve realised that the process of moving on or moving forward isn’t linear nor chronological. It flip flops ridiculously and sometimes you have to go backwards to move forwards. I feel as though going back to the recurring patterns of problems is actually one of the pivotal acts to reaching your goal, in a healthy and stable manner. If you’re latched on to moving forward at all costs, you never really get the time to come to terms with what’s gone on behind you.
Realising and accepting your irrational behaviour and thoughts is totally healthy because it is a courageous act of self-love and to admit that you’re wrong as well as telling other people that they are wrong is so vital to being happy. This is because it brings into question your sense of self-worth- being able to call someone out for their mistakes means you know what’s right and more importantly you know what you deserve and that is completely fine. Some people say it’s arrogant to know your self-worth and to an extent, it’s probably true in some senses for some people. But for me, knowing yourself and knowing what you’re worth are the foundations to happiness in almost all aspects of human life. How can you add to someone else’s life if you haven’t got a hold of yourself?
I’d always run from problems that should be fixed, I’d make excuses for other people and I’d choose to do nothing about the quality of my personal life. Running and avoiding conflict is a natural habit for so many of us but opening lines of communication and being honest with yourself and the people around you is one of the healthiest places to start. I think one of the main changes that I have made this year has been to appreciate, forgive and love the people in my life who deserve it. This means withholding this privilege from people who don’t deserve it- people who don’t appreciate you or the chances that they are being given by you. It’s really sad when you come to think of it, there are people who are one day the cornerstones of your life and then the next day they break your heart like you mean nothing to them. These are the days you make decisions rather than excuses. For me, it was always hard to burn bridges with people. Someone once said to me don’t burn bridges if you can’t swim. I can’t swim in real life, so, I assumed naturally that emotionally I was going to drown. At this moment, you’ll either learn how to swim or the people who really love you will step in and help you out. In the longterm I feel better for it. Once you get over the initial sadness of losing someone you once valued, you realise that there are better things for you to be getting on with.
The last few months have been about bettering myself and the people around me. I’m always thinking “how can I help?” and often the help and time I give to others comes back to me. The people I work with, live with, spend time with are the people who have made a difference to my life during these rough times. I’ve had to chop up and stretch out certain aspects of my routine and I’ve had to really push myself to not dwell on moments. But all in all, progress has been good; I believe it’s healthy to go back to those worrying moments and conversations and de-tangle them because you can start to come to terms with where it went wrong.
I don’t think I’ll be 100% happy with many things in my life, some things technically don’t reach an end either so I think aiming for contentment through proactively bettering myself and my situations is the safest option. Taking the time to think is so important for me; taking the time to think about the multitude of choices you’ve made and the key decisions you’ve avoided are key to figuring out where to go next as well as what you’re like as a person.
Nowadays I like to see a lot of things as a ‘work in progress’.